Why Do We Slip Back Into Old Patterns?
Last week, a client said to me:
“Why did I forget? Why did I lose the tools that had been helping me when stress hit?”
Here’s what happened:
He had been making time for strategy. Working on bigger problems. Stepping into leadership instead of doing it all himself.
Then stress came. And just like that, he slipped back into the old default—no self-management, no accountability, back in the weeds of the details.
This happens to all of us. Under stress, we go back to what feels familiar—even if it holds us back.
Real change isn’t just about starting new habits. It’s about keeping them through the hard times until they become your new default.
That’s the work of coaching: catching the slip, replacing the old pattern, and making the change last.
Personal Change is a process
When I was completing my graduate program for executive coaching in 2013, I came across a theory that shifted everything for me: meaningful change is a process.
We often think change ends once a habit is formed. But research shows there are phases beyond that.
Even after a habit starts to stick, it still needs to be consistent, integrated, and maintained. That final stage can take another six months or more.
Take a look at this diagram:
Image Source: A Change for Better.com
Start at the 12:00 position and rotate clockwise through the six phases. The stages progress from thinking about change, to deciding, to taking action, and beyond.
Researchers often show this process as a cycle, a bar chart, or even an S-curve. Different views, same message: change takes time, and it includes setbacks.
What do you notice?
The model makes space for relapse—a return to old behaviors. This is especially common under stress.
The difference is this: once you know the process, you expect the relapse. You can prepare for it. And when you loop back, you learn. That upward spiral helps you conquer old patterns for good.
It’s why people say, “Name it to tame it.”
Awareness is the first step to closing the gap between where you are and where you want to be.
Next Step
Take a moment today and consider:
What’s one change you’re working on?
Where do you think you are in this cycle?
If you want help making change last—and learning how to stay steady when stress hits—I’d love to work with you 1:1.
