High achievers are often hardest on themselves. How do I know? Because when they share what their self-talk sounds like, it’s brutal.
Most people think negative self-talk shows up only during big moments—speaking up, pitching ideas, leading teams. But the truth is, those who do it, do it all the time.
If your inner dialogue is unkind (and it’s driving you crazy), there’s another way. Here’s how to turn down the volume on negative self-talk.
Inner Critic vs. Inner Wisdom
You have two inner voices: your critic and your wisdom.
Both voices are always there. Confidence begins when you choose which one to believe.
Here’s how to tell them apart.
Inner Critic
The inner critic holds your doubts, regrets, and shame. It tries to keep you safe by keeping you small. It knows your triggers and presses them to stop you from change.
An inner critic sounds like:
Judgmental, problem-oriented
Attacks your flaws
Anxious, repetitive
Afraid of new experiences
Driven by fear
Your critic lives in the past or projects worst-case futures. When you walk through life with that voice, you’re already defeated before you start.
Examples:
You stay silent in meetings, stuck in self-criticism.
You realize the “monster voice” scaring you... is you.
You share a dream, then follow it with all the reasons it will fail.
Inner Wisdom
Your inner wisdom is the quiet, kind part of you that already knows. It feels like intuition, gut instinct, or the voice of your Best Self.
It sounds like this:
Curious, possibility-oriented
Encouraging and supportive
Calm, gentle, confident
Open to growth
Driven by love
Your inner wisdom lives in the present moment. And the present moment holds no fear—only choice.
“The true present moment holds no fear. It’s unfolding right now, which means any outcome is possible.” — Jessica Manca
Think back: when did you just know what to do?
Or ignore your gut, and later wish you hadn’t? That was your inner wisdom speaking.
Inner Dialogue and Confidence
In 12 years as a coach, I’ve seen how harsh self-talk can get in the way of success. Criticism kills creativity. Doubt blocks leadership. Fear delays action.
If you want confidence, align with it. Listen to the voice that supports you, not the one that breaks you down.
Try This
Imagine your inner wisdom as an elder who loves you deeply. Calm. Steady. Always in your corner.
What would change if you spent more time in that energy this week?
Notice which voice is speaking when something feels difficult or unfamiliar. You don't have to believe every thought that shows up, especially the ones that make you question your capability before you've had a chance to act.
