How Leaders Grow in the Moments They Want to Hide

Leadership doesn’t develop in the moments where everything goes smoothly.

It grows in the moments we want to disappear.

Think about the last time you were in a group meeting or a roundtable introduction. Someone spoke clearly, made eye contact, and seemed comfortable taking up space. Someone else crossed their arms, fidgeted, or looked like they wanted to crawl under the table.

We notice these things instantly. Not because we’re judging, but because presence is felt before it’s explained.

One of my clients experienced this recently in a new role. She’s capable, experienced, and well regarded. Yet in this particular meeting, she was caught off guard. More people showed up than expected. The room felt bigger. The moment arrived faster than she anticipated.

And her body reacted before her mind could catch up.

When she’s grounded, her posture is open. She sits upright. She’s comfortable in her own skin. But that day, something shifted. Her voice softened. Eye contact disappeared. She became overly aware of what to do with her hands.

Her confident self didn’t vanish.
It stepped back.

This is the part many leaders don’t talk about.

Even highly capable, accomplished people can find themselves suddenly operating from an earlier version of themselves. Not because they lack skill or experience, but because identity doesn’t always update at the same pace as responsibility.

Senior or not, she didn’t like introducing herself.

What mattered wasn’t the moment itself. It was what she did next.

Instead of brushing it off or criticizing herself, she named it. She told the truth about what had happened and how it felt. And in doing so, something shifted.

She said, almost surprised by her own words,
“It’s like I need to give myself permission to take up space.”

That sentence changed everything.

From there, we didn’t aim for perfection. We focused on practice. Small, intentional moments to meet new people. Opportunities to stay present in her body. Ways to build familiarity with visibility instead of avoiding it.

This is how personal change actually works.

There isn’t one step that suddenly makes someone unwavering in their presence. There’s a series of small, self-respecting choices. Each one reinforces a new relationship with confidence, self-worth, and even how someone inhabits their body.

Moments like this are why I love this work.

Not because they’re dramatic.
But because they’re honest.

And because they show how growth often begins in the exact places we’d rather hide.